Breathe Again
by WaitTillYouDoubtNoMore
Summary: Maya Hart has always been careful about keeping her home life a secret, but what if one night at the Matthews home changes that? Will she accept the family's help or will she push everyone away? Deals with topics such as self harm and rape. Also contains moderate cursing.


**Hi guys! So after watching Girl Meets World I was really interested about Maya's character, and decided to make a fanfic about everything. So this is basically a couple years into the future and the girls are 15 and in 10th grade. Cory is still their history teacher, which I know isn't really realistic but I need it to fit for the story, also Topanga is a prosecutor for the state. So I changed a few things here and there but nothing major. I hope you guys like it and please please please review and tell me what you like and what you don't like. Well I think that's it, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing**

_"We lie to ourselves so much that after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can'lt recognize the truth right in front of our faces. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie._

_-Meredith _Grey_ (Grey's Anatomy)_

Maya's POV

I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. Not a 'oh I have a headache' terrible but a full on 'I'm dying, or maybe I've already died and I'm suffering in hell' terrible. So it was completely understandable when I clicked the snooze button a total of 4 times. Finally after the 4th time I gathered up the strength to drag myself out of bed. Forcing myself to the closet I looked at the clock, realizing I didn't have time to shower I threw my hair up into a ponytail, a style I didn't try much. Throwing on jeans and my favorite Yankee's sweatshirt, I started writing a mental reminder to myself to take a few Advil before I left. I rushed to the bathroom and paused as I looked into the mirror. I looked like hell, my face was paler than a ghost, my eyes were sunken in, and I looked like I hadn't slept in a month. Sighing, I put some concealer and mascara on my face in an attempt to make myself look less like I had crawled out of a grave, After I was done I made my way to the living room where I found the inevitable note from my mother.

_Maya, I had to go take an early shift at the restaurant because I left a little early last night. Mike is still home, he has a hangover, try not to wake him. _

_-Mom_

With a sigh I crumpled the note into the trash can that was littered with bottles of beer. Jumping at a sudden slam I whipped around to see Mike walking into the kitchen.

"You're awake," he stated as he made his way towards the medicine cabinet, relieving my fear that I had woken him up.

"Yeah, today's a school day," I muttered as I quickly gathered my things and stuffed them in a seemed sober now but I didn't want to take the chance.

"Leaving so soon?" He asked as I slid my converse on, not even bothering to tie the laces, I just wanted to leave.

"I'll be late if I don't" I replied. Mike paused for a moment as he watched me scramble to get my backpack, but right before I left he grabbed my arm.

"Don't tell," he stated with a rough voice as I stiffened up, and then he let go as I got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

Catching my breath as I made my way into the elevator I began to curse under my breath, in the midst of my confrontation with Mike I had forgotten to take the Advil, and I couldn't very well go to the nurse or I would be sent home, and dealing with Mike would definitely be worse than any sickness I could catch.

I let out a fitful sigh, and wished that Mike had never entered into their lives. my mother had met him 2 years ago at an AA meeting after I had convinced her to go, which was pretty ironic, seeing that the meetings had not only failed to stop my mother's drinking but also introduced her to a chronic alcoholic who had a nasty habit of getting angry in his drunken fazes. They claimed that they had

fallen in love 'instantly' but the truth was Katy Hart liked to get together with men she knew would hurt her and Mike Reiner fit that application perfectly. 3 months after they started dating they hitched up in a drive thru wedding and that was that. Which pissed me off because 1) my mother had gotten married. 2) She had gotten married to an abusive psycho. The same psycho that 3) I had repeatedly begged my mother to break up with.

This was getting to be too much, _all of it was too much_, but then I remembered that those thoughts were selfish, there were people who had it much worse out there. So I bit my lip, waited patiently to get out of the elevator, and walked a couple of blocks to get to Riley'ls house, a labor that was usually beyond easy, but for some reason was incredibly hard now.

I buzzed myself in, "Hola, mi amigos," I called out, waiting patiently. The door opened to reveal still in his pajamas.

"Morning, demon-in-training," he greeted in a way that only Mr. Matthews could, continuing our playful tradition.

"Morning," I replied smoothly, pausing "that hair regrowth shampoo really isn't doing you justice, is it?"

I watched as Mr. Matthews cautiously put a hand on his hand, patting around, and for the first time that day, I smiled. Walking past my friend's father I made my way to the table where I sat down with great relief.

"Morning, Mrs. Matthews, where's Riley?" I questioned weakly to the older woman who was helping Auggie get ready.

"I think she's finishing up in the shower, are you feeling alright?" She questioned.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"You just don't look so good right now," Mrs. Matthews replied with concern attached to her voice.

"Don't worry about it," I returned with a weak smile, meant to reassure Mrs. Matthews but seemed to only grace her with yet another concerned look.

"Okay, well what do you want for breakfast," Mrs. Matthews asked just as Riley got out of her room.

"Eggs!" my friend yelled excitedly behind her, making me wince. As soon as food was mentioned my stomach had begun to turn.

"Eggs it is," Mrs. Matthews replied while she made her way to the kitchen and as Riley sat in the seat next to me.

"You don't look so good," Riley observed.

"That's what I said!" exclaimed as she turned away from the fridge.

"I am perfectly fine," I stated, just as my stomach cramped up, making me wince. Receiving a doubtful look from Riley. "Really, I am, How's Lucas?" I suddenly ask, diverting the attention away from myself.

"Wonderful, he's taking me to Coney Island on Saturday," Riley replied in a dreamy tone. Lucas and Riley had been dating since Freshman year when Lucas had finally blurted out his feelings for Riley, to which Riley just about screamed yes to. Ever since then they'd been having a pretty steady relationship, unlike myself. Who had dated 4 different guys in the time span of 2 years, none of the relationships were all that serious. My current victim is Kyle Dean, a 6 foot singer with black hair and blue eyes who's in a band and has a thing for girls with a snappy personality. He's my longest relationship, a whopping 4 months and still counting. Even though the only reason we're still together is because we like to make out with each other in back hallways. Nonetheless he's a fellow artist, and he's a damn good kisser.

"Who' going to Coney Island with who?" Mr. Matthews suddenly asked in a worried tone. He was still so cautious with Riley, even if she was 16. He was the same way with me for a while too, demanding to meet all 4 of the boys, giving the whole 'you better treat her right or else' talk to each of them, I'm pretty sure he even followed me to my first date, but he was always a little more easygoing with me than Riley. She's always been so innocent and oblivious, but Lucas is good for her.

"About that, well um, can I go?" Riley asked as she whirled around to give her father a pleading look. That was probably the best thing about my mother, she didn't really care if I was making out with a boy in an alley, and asking permission just seemed weird now.

"Honey, she's old enough, and Lucas is a very nice boy, we can trust them," Mrs. Matthews pitched in as she noticed Mr. Matthew's unsure face.

"I don't trust _any_ boy with my daughter," he muttered unhappily.

"_Oh come on_, daddy. It's going to be harmless we'll to the aquarium, watch the snow fall from the boardwalk, and eat some hot dogs and then I'll be back home before you know. We're not even going to do anything, plus Lucas says Coney Island is gorgeous in wintertime, " Riley replied

"It's true, never have I seen a couple move as slowly as them," I added in an attempt to help Riley.

"You better not do anything," Mr. Matthews finally replied after a minute of thinking.

"Does that mean I can go?" Riley asked cautiously and squeezed in excitement as her father nodded solemnly. Although I knew why he was so protective, I never really understood why he treated every decision concerning his daughters relationship as if someone had died. Suddenly the apartment door buzzed again, it was Farkle, no doubt. As he walked into the kitchen with his greetings I noticed how much he had changed. He no longer had the shaggy blond hairstyle but wore his hair a little more spiked up. Plus he had grown taller to the point where he was about 2 inches taller than me already. But he's still the same old Farkle, just a little toned down.

"Morning, beautiful," he said as he sat down next to me. His flirting hadn't stopped once, not even now, when I was dating Kyle.

Meanwhile the smell of eggs had begun to spread through the kitchen, forcing me to breathe through my mouth. It wasn't that I didn't like eggs, or 's cooking for that matter. It was just that my stomach had begun to viciously fight me even at the mention of food.

"Auggie, breakfast!" Mrs. Matthews yelled, and the 8 year old sped through the kitchen, brown curls bouncing just above his eyes. brought in plates of eggs and toast into the kitchen as everyone sat down. As Farkle began to venture into a story about the latest technology I focused on looking at anything but food.

"Maya, why aren't you eating anything?" suddenly asked.

"I'm really not that hungry," I muttered, expecting the reply that came next.

"Well that is never an excuse in this house, eat," she admonished. As I nervously glanced down at my plate I found that my stomach(and body) were beginning to fight my every move. Reaching down to grab the spoon full of eggs to my mouth I quickly shoved them into my mouth and swallowed. I assume that my body took this as a sign of war because as soon as the scrambled food had left my mouth, it seemed that it wanted to return.

I practically sprinted to the bathroom after that. I threw up once and then I heaved and tried to catch my breath. Hands had come up behind me, holding my hair up and whispering soothing words. When I finally felt done I turned around to look back at Mrs. Matthews warm eyes.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" She said and helped me up to my feet, keeping a hand on my back as I washed out my mouth.

"You know, I didn't think my cooking was _that_ bad," she joked, receiving a smirk from me.

"Okay I'm going to drive you home, I can't have you walking outside in the middle of winter like this," she whispered kindly.

"No! I mean I'm not sick, I'm fine. I just needed a second, I can go to school, I'm fine!" I replied, pulling away from her touch. Going home to Mike was not an option.

"Okay, just calm down, how about we go into the living room so you can sit down for a little bit," she replied as I reluctantly made my way out of the bathroom to face the rest of the family (and Farkle) watching expectantly.

"Maya, maybe it is best if you stay home from school today," Riley commented as I sat down,

"How many times do I have to tell you, that I am fine?"

"Well you really don't look so good," Mr. Matthews added.

"I look fabulous, what are _you_ talking about?" I replied with a smile, attempting at sounding normal.

"Still, you shouldn't take the chance, what if you like faint?" Farkle put in.

"I'm going to school," I stated forcefully.

"Well, unfortunately for you, you don't really have a say," Mrs. Matthews said as she returned with a basket with the label SICK BOX plastered on the front of it. Digging around she found a thermometer and stuck it in my ear before I could object. I stared at my spectators pitiful eyes with annoyance and waited for my verdict to arrive, and just like that it beeped.

"101.5" Mrs. Matthews began "Okay, go get your coat on and go to school, honey. Because this totally means you're fine," she continued sarcastically. I sighed as I slumped back into the couch, knowing that now I really wasn't going to school.

"Why are you even fighting this so much, Maya? Don't you view school as a killer of dreams or something like that?" Mr. Matthews questioned. It was true, I pretty much despised school other than art class and passing period.

"We're finishing up our portraits today and I don't want to be behind," I lied, we weren't even working on portraits anymore, we had just begun sculpting

"Well I'lm sure you can just finish up after school, or take it home," He resolved, and I almost wanted to laugh. if only all my problems were that easily solved.

"Anyways, you are all going to be late if you don't get out now, just because Maya's sick, doesn't mean you all get to stay home," Mrs. Matthews interjected, and she was right, It was already 7:10 Riley and Farkle would miss the subway if they didn't leave.

"Okay, we'll come visit after school, Maya" Riley said as she grabbed her backpack.

"Yeah Maya, feel better soon!" Farkle said optimistically as they left.

"Honey, can you do me a favor and drop off Auggie at the elementary?" Mrs. Matthews added as she quickly packed her sons bag and gave it to him.

"Sure, need anything else?" Mr. Matthews offered as he kissed his wife.

"A tropical getaway in the Bahama's, but that can probably wait" she joked with a smile. "Have a good day, don't let the kids eat you."

"No promises," he replied and then looked at me. "So even the devil can get sick, huh?"

"Appears so,"

"Hope you feel better, Maya," He said sincerely, and then awkwardly patting my head, which was a weird experience for both of us, he took Auggie by the hand, who waved an excited goodbye to me and then they were gone.

"Looks like its just you and me, kid," Mrs. Matthews said as she came in with a glass of water and two tablets of Tylenol. I quickly took the medicine, thankful for anything that could stop my body from feeling like it had been run over by a truck.

"I guess we should start heading back to my place," I muttered unhappily, maybe I could slip into my room without waking up Mike. He might even go the whole day not even noticing I was even in the apartment. Mrs. Matthews nodded and began talking about how I should take 2 tablets of Tylenol every 5 hours, and always stay near a bucket, and sleep a lot as she grabbed a case and started walking to the door, with me following with a few feet of distance.

The drive to my apartment was fast and filled with small talk about the cases that she was trying. Once we pulled up she began to get out to.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" She replied.

"You don't have to get out with me,"

"Well of course I don't, but I want to make sure you're all settled," she replied in a tone that indicated that her decision had been made, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

On the way up in the elevator I racked my mind trying to figure out a way to avoid Mike, and not make Mrs. Matthews suspicious. As we stepped off, and walked up to my apartment door, I turned around.

"Well, first of all thanks for the Tylenol, and I'm really sorry about the eggs. I would have eaten them-"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Saying goodbye,"

"What part of, 'I want to make sure you'lre settled in' do you not understand?" She said as she stared at me with a look of determination.

"Okay, just please be quiet," I replied, offering no explanation as I fumbled around my keychain to find the apartment door key. Finally managed to unlock the door and did a quick scan to make sure Mike wasn'lt anywhere in sight. I left the door open behind me as followed me in.

"What's with the quiet game?" She whispered finally.

"Don't ask," I muttered as I grabbed a bucket and some Tylenol and silently walked into my room, Mrs. Matthews following me in.

"Wow," she said as she looked around my room.

"What?"

"I mean I knew you were artistic, but Maya, this is stunning," she complimented. I looked around my room myself, All the walls had been covered in paintings, or sketches, to the point where you couldn't even see the pasty white wall except for the ceiling, but I was working on that. Everything else was pretty ordinary, I had the apartment issued hardwood floor with a single bed, a closet, and a desk.

"Thanks," I said as I watched her brush her fingers against a panting of a room with a single broken chair in it.

"Well what's the story behind this one?" She asked

"You want the truth?"

"Yes,"

"Mrs. Black told us to paint something emotional and raw, and I really wasn't in the mood so I came up with this and assumed it was good enough. I got an A," I explained as I received a laugh from Mrs. Matthews.

"Classic Maya, Classic," she said as she shook her head. I smirked and sat down on the bed I had had in my possession since I was 9. I was actually having a pretty wonderful time, until the door opened.

Mike had appeared out of nowhere, and you could smell the booze on him from 10 feet away.

"What are you doing home?" He questioned in a gruff tone that made me want to flee my own skin.

"Um well, I uh, there was this-" I began, weakly.

"They got out of school, too much snow," she said in a cautious tone, cutting me off. The snow excuse didn't even make sense, it hadn't even snowed today, but then again Mike was probably so drunk that he would believe you if you told him there was a heat wave.

"Who are you?" He stated, his attention diverted from me for now.

"Topanga Matthews, I'm the mother of one of Maya's friends. Who are you?" She asked, her hands finding a familiar position on her hips.

"Mike Reiner, I'm married to Katy," This took Mrs. Matthews by surprise, they knew that my mother had been dating some guy for a while, but I never got around to tell them about the marriage. "What are you doing here," He slurred, I assumed he had had his 'special breakfast' aka, half a bottle of whiskey.

"I'm here to pick Maya for the weekend," she blurted out, this time I was the one surprised.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah because of the 4 day weekend we thought it would be fun for the girls to be together, _remember_ Maya," she explained, urging me to play along.

"Yeah, um I talked to mom about it yesterday," I lied, Mom didn't even come home last night. Mike didn't even think twice about it.

"Fine. tell your mother we're out of whiskey,'" he muttered and then left, slamming the door so hard it made me flinch.

"What was all that about?" I asked as Mrs. Matthews sat down on the bed next to me.

"Well, I guess you're staying with us for four days, and you better get packed," she replied, apparently this was a spur of the moment thing for her.

"You don't have to do this, I'm sure the last thing you need is a sick teenager on your hands,"

"Maya, I don't _have _to do anything, I'm doing this because I _want _to," I stared at her for a second, because those may have been some of the most thoughtful words I have ever come across, and then I silently got up and began to pack, noticing that Mrs. Matthews had begun to help me. When I finally got done we walked out of the apartment, and I noticed the lingering stare of Mrs. Matthews as she observed the bottles of alcohol that were littered around the kitchen.

"Thanks," I suddenly said as we waited out the elevator ride down .

"No problem, but we're going to have to make a pit stop on the way back home, I need to grab some papers from work,"

"Why?"

"Well I feel like my boss wouldn't be so happy if I took a day off and didn't act like I'm working,"

"You'lre taking a day off?"

"Well I'm not very well going to leave you at home with the flu,"

"You don't ha-" I began but noticed Mrs. Matthews look telling me if I finished that sentence I would never hear the end of it so I decided to finish it with a quick thanks.

It was about a 30 minute drive to the law office and back to the Matthews home, thankfully she didn't ask me about Mike, or the state of my apartment building. Mrs. Matthews rushed me into the house and away from the frigid November air and onto the couch.

"Alright, you text your mom and make sure you can stay for 4 days, and go shower and get changed in your pajamas. I am going to make some soup and toast for us, if you're up it," she said, as she began to walk into the kitchen,.

"I don't see how making me toast is going to get your paperwork done,"; I said as I pulled out my phone from my pocket.

"Maya, I hate paperwork, I would gladly do anything else," she replied as I sent my message.

_Can I stay over at Riley's for four days?_

It probably didn't matter if I told her, I barely saw her at all anyways but as soon as I texted my phone buzzed again.

_Fine, but don't bother me at work anymore._

I walked into the bathroom, stripping off my clothes quickly and entering the shower. The water was cold at first but it began to warm up, which was a pleasant feeling. I always liked to feel the change from cold to warm, the hot water always felt better once I had experienced the frigid. I grabbed Riley's body wash, a familiar flower scent and began my routine, softly singing _Hot Blooded_ as I went through it. Suddenly my hands hit the scars and cuts that had found their way on my arm. Reluctantly looking down I observed them, some had faded over time, some had barely scabbed over. I began to recite what they were for, _1 for the first time Mike hit me, 3 for when my mother didn't leave him, 4 for when she married him, 2 for when she left me for a week without explanation. 3 again when my mother ended up in a hospital, because that'ls how bad he beat her. 7 for when he raped me, 3 for when she took his word over mine. 2 for when Jeremy Rider called me a prude because when he tried to touch my breasts, I started crying. 5 for when my period was a week late. 3 when I realized I had become Mike's weekly fuck toy, and countless more for every time when I hated myself. _I stayed like that for about 3 minutes before I shook myself away from my trance and finished the rest of my shower. Actively trying to scrub the sickness out of me, but even I knew that didn't work. Dragging myself out of the comfort of the warm water I wrapped myself in a towel, right before I suddenly felt the need to throw up, again. It seemed that the toilet had become my new companion. I lifted myself off the ground and grabbed the mouthwash and began to swirl it around the inner workings of my jaw as I pulled my pajamas on, which were basically a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt that was 3 sizes too big for me. I spit out the mouthwash in the sink and walked out of the bathroom.

"So would you rather watch a comedy or a drama movie, because I just kind of figured you weren't the romance type of person," Mrs. Matthews asked as she rummaged through a cabinet full of movies.

"Um drama, I guess" I replied, unsure of what to do in this situation. I sat down on the coach and brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my hands around them. I looked around me noticing the tiny things that had changed. For one a bucket had been placed under my feet, and tissues were conveniantly placed on the coffee table along with a box of Tylenol, and a bowl of cheddar broccoli soup and toast. 3 blankets were neatly stacked on the couch next to me, and bottles of water were placed on the side table with breath mints.

"Perfect, I've got just the thing," replied happily as she pulled out a cop of 'The Breakfast Club' I smiled in response, I've always loved that movie.

She inserted the movie into the DVD player, grabbing the remote control and sat next to me on the couch, pulling up a blanket and covering me, I knew better then to argue and just accepted it. We watched the movie with commentary, both of us remarking on which characters we liked best, and me nibbling on some toast as the movie progressed.

"So feeling any better?" She asked me as the credits began to roll,

"Well I feel like I've been run over by a car, instead of a bus now, so yeah,"

"That's good, maybe this is just the 24 hour bug that Auggie caught last month," She replied and I nodded to her words, not knowing how to respond.

"So your mom got married?" She suddenly brought up taking me by surprise.

"Yeah," I muttered, this really was not a topic I wanted to talk about.

"How long has it been?" She prodded

"3 years," I replied maybe if I kept my answers short, there wouldn't be much for her to ask about, that wasn't the case.

"Does Riley know?"

"No one knows,"

"Why?"

"It never came up," I replied with a shrug.

"Do you like him?"

"Mrs. Matthews, I'm really tired, can I just go to bed?" I replied quickly, trying to escape the conversation. She stood there staring at me, sympathy flooding her eyes. I hate sympathy.

"He's okay, don't worry about it. He just had a tough day at work yesterday, and sometimes he likes to drink a little. He's not that bad, and my mother is happy with him," The lies spilled out of my mouth with a sigh.

"He likes to have a little drink at 8 in the morning?" She asked, her voice showing her doubt of my previous answer.

"It doesn't even matter. I barely even talk to him, so it shouldn't matter," I said as I crossed my arms, becoming ever so defensive of this subject.

"You know you can come to me, or almost everyone in this family, about anything. Its not weakness to say you need help," she replied softly.

"There is nothing to talk about, can I please just go get some sleep?" I asked smoothly, I had learned the ways of acting like you were okay, and rule number one was to never lose your temper.

"Sure, I got the guest room ready for you, you can go into Riley's room once you're better," she said after a moment. It was clear she wasn't buying my story, but she would forget with time. People always forgot.

"Thanks" I said as I grabbed my bucket and dragged myself into the guest room, basically collapsing into the comfort of the bed. At least that part wasn't a lie, I was pretty exhausted. I threw the comforters over me and let my head hit the pillow. I still felt cold even though my skin was beyond hot, but the nausea had lessened ever since I took the Tylenol, even though it hadn't totally vanished. I began to think of Mrs. Matthews and how easy it would be to tell her, she would know what to do, but then again I know what happens when you tell. You get taken away. I would be put in a foster home, and maybe a rehab facility and everyone would know that Maya Hart was raped and wasn'lt strong enough to deal with it so she began to cut herself. No. I will never tell. It'ls only 2 and a half more years, right? I can get through that. Just a few more years and I will be free, and everything will be okay, I'll be fine then. But the back of my mind told me otherwise.

_You will never be okay._

_You're damaged goods._

_How could anybody love you?_

_Maybe it would just be better if you died._

And despite my best intentions, I began to believe myself.

**So that's about it for the first chapter, I'm terrible at endings, but I promise I'll work on getting better. Please review and add any thoughts you may have. I will try my very best to get the next chapter up quickly, and I really hope you guys liked it!**

**-Tara**


End file.
